Happy Bloggy Birthday!

Woo Hoo! This Blog has reached it's first birthday!

Two birds, one stone.
Cake and big boobs.

Bit of a joke really, I had a seven month gap between posts, still I've averaged 2 posts a month, not too bad. I have no idea what I wanted to accomplish with this blog exactly. Promote earth worms?  Show people I can bake cakes? Promote important political views? Discuss big boobs? Clearly not a 'how to get organised' blog, that sort of thing doesn't tend to be mentioned in the same sentence as me. But, the one thing I do hope is that I gave a few people a giggle in the last year and that'll make me happy.

Earth worm
I promote thee.

I think this blog is largely my sort of journal on a hotch potch of things, as my life is also largely hotch potch and I'm sure there are many a disaster area mother/wife much like myself who also take part in a spot of hotch potchery. And as it is my bloggy birthday, I shall have a glass of wine, (alcohol free wine,oh alright it's bloody Schloeur OK!) and raise my glass to you. Toast! May we have many a happy hotchy potchy day, doing whatever it is that we do. Cheers!

 If there are any disaster area mother's out there and you per chance get to a bit of reading my bloggliness, then please, comment, leave me a link to your blog if you keep one or follow me on twitter https://twitter.com/Kyla_Burnett I would love to share views and swap experiences. So Here's to another, hopefully more regular year of blogging and I hope to speak to some of you soon!

Kyla

Day Status: Busy!

Hello and welcome! 

Goodness me. Today was one of those days. The kind of day when you just don't manage to even get a hot brew down you. The morning specifically. I shall go through the morning in bullet points if you don't mind. Would you care to join me? Please do. Grab a cuppa, (preferably hot!) and read along with me.

1. Wake up - obviously
2. Make a brew
3. Hear the baby stir - stir brew have a sip. Brew Status: Hot
4. Change and feed baby - eldest enters the room.
5. Prepare eldest's brekkie - Some chocolate malarkey, bad parenting.
6. Sip brew - Brew status: tepid
7. Get self dressed - long loose top and jeggings. Jeggings status: Up.
8. Dress eldest in freshly laundered uniform - not off of the bedroom floor, good parenting.
9. Sip brew - Brew status: cold. Nuke it. (Microwave it for those who no not this term.)
10. Sip Brew - Brew status: Hot again.
11. Sort family hair - me: Messy with Fudge Shaper, Husband: ponytail, he did it himself clever boy. Eldest: French plait. I did it, clever girl.
12. Load baby into pram, put sun cream on and gather school tit bits - Jeggings status: slightly lower.
13. Sip brew - Brew status: tepid again. Bollocks!
14. School run - Jeggings status: gathering at knees.
15. Home again, hug baby and put him in chair with toys.
16. Plug in iron and put kettle on.
17. Make brew, sip it -Brew status: hot.
18. Start ironing, burn elbow - Iron status: Really fecking hot!
19. Finish ironing, sip brew - Brew: status cold. Give up on brew, pour glass of orange juice.
20. Take baby upstairs, sing silly songs and cuddle him.
21. Lay baby on the bed - bad parenting. 
22. Fetch ironed clothes - swear at iron on passing. It remains un-forgiven for the burn.
23. Put clothes away and sing to baby - Jeggings status: way down!
24. Clean bathroom, change baby and hoik up jeggings - jeggings status: uncomfortably high. Must get new pants.
25. School run part 2 - hug daughter, get home, make sarnies of choice.

And that was just the morning. Cold brews, hot iron and tight pants, what a day! The afternoon brought more mayhem of course. My girl choked on a grape and fell down the stairs! Fortunately only a bruised bum is left to remind her to hold onto the banister. Poor lass. And all I've managed to do between playing and soothing bruises and shock, is feed my baby and do a few loads of washing, all the while practically dehydrating from my lack of hot brews!

I reckon tomorrow will bring more of the same. Not that I mind of course but I really would like a ho cuppa. I think that's the only thing I miss from having the wee 'uns. Still, if that's the only thing missing from my life, along with the lottery win I've been craving, then I don't reckon I'm doing too badly. 

I'm falling asleep over the keyboard here, probably from lack of tea, so I'm thinking I need to wrap it up. I want to write about my allotment because I'm so chuffed with how things are going on it. Most of my veg are flourishing, but well, that's for next time. 

Toodlepip all. Good morning or sweet dreams depending on the time!

Silent Sunday

No Comedy, just the beauty of being a mummy.

Oh Knickers!

Hello there one and all!

I was getting my little girl ready for school this morning when suddenly she said "Mummy, I've got a wedgie!" Obviously it's time I bought the girl some new undies, she's growing up way too fast for my liking. Then I thought to myself, I can't even remember the last time I had a wedgie and then I looked at the contents of my knicker drawer.

Just a little sketch to put the point across.
Well, I wasn't taking pictures of my knicker drawer!

Well it's no bloody wonder I don't have wedgies any more, you should see the size of my crackers!  Parachutes and tall ship sails as far as the eye can see. It's a wonder I haven't been carried off whilst blow drying!

   The reason? Well that's it isn't it, since having my babies I appear to have been purchasing yacht sails and wearing them as underpants. As a parent I do have to go for comfort as I'm sure a lot of you are aware, walking along on the school run picking lacey knickers out of your bum is not something your kid's want to be associated with. And no child  needs "Oh yeah, that's knicker picker's son!" being shouted at the school gates about them. School's hard enough! 

   I did however find 4 pairs of pretty patterned things obviously acquired before I started buying underwear from bosun's locker, and before baby number 2, when I had time to practise the art of seduction. All that's gone to pot now of course, the best we can hope for is a quick "are they asleep? Quick get naked!" and away we go! I mean, planning a lace encased evening of passion is nigh impossible! So alas I have become the queen of the cotton gusset. Practical, comfortable and minimal chance of a yeast infection. (We've all had 'em, and we know it ain't good!)

   I digress, the point is I'm utterly shocked about the size of my 'smalls' because this lead me to thinking at great length (or rather width) about another thing. Good God, you should see the size of my arse! Yes, not rocket science I admit.  Maths tutorial

                             large knickers = lard erm I mean, large arse.

   I shall HAVE to do something about this! I'm not completely massive but I could certainly do with losing a few pounds, to stop the chaffing if nothing else. I'm thinking about Slimming World. I managed to lose a stone and a half last time, put a stone back on like, but kept the half off. Now I think it's high time I re-tackled it! I don't mind being buxom, but for the sake of my health, and my knicker drawer, it's time to fight some flab! I'm going for it, lose 5 pounds and treat myself to a new pair of satin knickers. 

   With a cotton gusset of course!

  

 Is there anyone else who, with parenthood looming over you, have opted for the cotton? Can you be bothered donning silk G-strings instead of Bridget Jones' style bloomers? Do share, but not with too much detail please.

Thrill Seekers!

   Hullo there reader! After doing a spot of cleaning the other morning -nothing major just pots, ironing, squirted a bit of polish so it smelled like I'd done some- I decided to phone sister number three of the first batch to see if she and the kids wanted to meet me and my brood for a wee wander. The answer was positive and the plan was to walk and meet up half way. We stuck to the plan and did indeed walk and meet halfway, the halfway line being The Dock Museum of Barrow in Furness, Cumbria. 

    We said our Hello's, and complained about the heat as we trundled along Channelside walk. We admired the lavender which smelt lovely, as we approached Jubilee Bridge. All very tame and normal until.... there came the simply WILD behavior.

  Well my family are obviously adrenaline junkies. We have clearly set a new bar on devil-may-care activities. What did we do? Be patient and I shall tell you. Bungee jump? No. Sky dive? No. Waiting on Jubilee Bridge for a bus to come and make it jolt? Abso-bloody-lutely!!! We take it to a new level of thrill seeking. I should have been more careful of course, involving my offspring, sibling and niece and nephew-ing, in such a reckless activity but hey, I've used it before and I'll use it again, that's just how I roll. 

Oh Look! I actually do bake bread.
Just absolutely not first thing in the morning.

   Nothing else of great importance has been happening over the past couple of days, just the normal day to day malarkey. You know the sort of stuff, waking up get the kids fed, washed, dressed. Put a wash load on, peg the wet stuff out, make pack ups, bake fresh bread and cakes etc. Hahaha! I'm obviously lying through my teeth here, I think we can all safely say that I'm a bare minimum kind of woman. And talking of teeth, I'm lucky if mine get scrubbed before 9:10 a.m! If they don't, I just have to make sure I don't smile or chat on the school run. (Cue thoughts of "ignorant, sour faced cow.") I then have to make time for chin wagging on the pick up,  (cue thoughts of "weird, schizophrenic cow") to catch up on the parent gossip. I have to say though, I've never been to school in my pj's, I mean, you've got to set some standards for the children haven't you haha!

   That my friends is about all I have to share at the moment. I'm off on the hunt for some other Mum and craft blogs.

   Toodleoo!

    

I'm going Bald!!

   That's right people, I'm losing my hair. I'm telling you, it's not like I haven't got a high enough forehead to begin with, I've now been graced with an extra half inch for goodness sake. It happened after my first baby too. Everything is great for about 3 months, then suddenly the bath water drains a hell of a lot slower and you start picking rather long hairs out the crack of your butt. Oh believe me, it's every bit as attractive as it sounds.
 I googled it, (postpartum hair loss, not hairy bum picking) something about your follicles going dormant because they don't rest while you're pregnant, hence the luxuriant locks you get during pregnancy. Children have a lot to answer for, it's a good job my boy is cute bless him.

   Mind you, it's probably a good thing this hair loss malarkey, it's prompted me to get a long overdue haircut. (Just trying to find the silver lining here!) It's about time I had a spot of pampering so I have booked in for the weekend. A cut and colour with a compulsory fringe to camouflage the receding hairline. They better do a good job as well, they're charging me 70 quid! Still at least it only takes about 8-12 months to rectify itself and start growing again. I can then go back to not bothering with haircuts and looking like a bedraggled, land bound mermaid, with only hair and shells to cover my lady lumps. Oh yeah, that's how I roll!

   Well readers, that is about the gist of today's session. Short and sweet, much like my hair will be after the chop! 

    If this is happening to anyone else.... just thank whatever gods you believe in that it isn't your teeth! That's what I'm doing.

Toodleoo!

Clear Out the Crap!

The computer and General Crap

Hello there! Sort of following on from my last post, I've decided to make some big changes to help get things moving along. For starters, clear out the front room. Heavens above! It is a mess and I'm not just talking about a few toys on the floor. I'm talking about toys, play dough, guitars, and general crap ALL OVER the whole room. I would take a before shot of the room but frankly, I'm actually embarrassed, so the before shot is out. I have however stretched to some 'after the before, but before the after' shot's, which still might be pushing health and safety and Environmental Health rules of some kind. 

Some Guitars and General Crap

And now I've got the 'I'm a slovenly minger' point across, lets move on to the plan.

As I was saying, when the front room is cleared of garbage, I should like to turn it into an office come library come crafty area sort of thing. A sort of room of concentration, creativity and business. I'm very exited about it. Once I have at least one room of the house cleared and functional I can then begin formulating a plan for the rest of the house. Mostly one big plan. Ie, Rid the house of shite! But lots of mini (clean the sofa.) and maxi (Career change.) plans will also come to pass hopefully. 

Unfortunately everything that I can plan for has to not involve funds of any kind at all. Me and my little family are completely skint. We have a lot of love under this roof but zero cash. And that takes me stupendously onto my next point. Selling crap.

A BIT OF CLEAR FLOOR!
And Some General Crap.

Anything and everything that I do not need, wear, use etc. Shall be sold or given to charity, depending on the quality of the items or whether or not I can be bothered packing and posting. May as well try to earn a few bob, you know, what with the whole skint thing I mentioned before. I may well earn enough for a new craft table. Oooo that would be nice. Stop daydreaming KYLA! 

Maybe this is it. Maybe it's taken me until my 30th (nearly 31st) year to gain a bit of ambition and motivation! Maybe I might not be such a disaster area after all. Although taking a look around my front room, I may already have bitten off more than I can chew. And I'm a porker, I can chew a lot! 

Wish me luck!

What Should I Be When I Grow Up?

Goodness me this is a question that has been bugging me for a while now. I'd really like to re-train myself in doing something I love. Not so much at the moment because I have my two fab kiddiwinks to take care of and that's going to take up most/all of my time for quite a few years, but I'm thinking when my boy starts nursery in four years, (can't beat planning ahead!) I've got a bit of spare time to educate myself in something new. 

At the moment I'm on maternity from my cleaning job, and while the cleaning job is

• money
• perfect shift hours
• not bad pay
• fits in with my life nicely
• and has the chance of being offered over time.

Let's face it, nobody wants to be a cleaner for the rest of their life. I really want to have a shot at doing something I love. One problem mind... not entirely sure what I would love to do. 

I love getting creative and I already make some little things for relatives and myself, cards, cakes and poetry  mostly, so perhaps taking a leap and starting up my own business. Perhaps that might be too ambitious though as I am officially Her Royal Highness, the Queen of dis-organisation. Call me thick but you probably need to be organized to run your own business. I'm going to take some of those online career quiz's, and have fun seeing what I have the skills for. Watch me come back with 'your skills are suited too CLEANING' and/or 'growing cauliflowers' 

Hug Me!

Well, like I said, I've a while to think about it all. The most important thing in my life is my family and they come first. Not as a chore but as a pleasure. Oh, and my allotment is on the list as a close second, so I shall continue to nurture my children, my husband and my cauli's and live my little life contentedly. 

Bloody Housework!

   Honestly I know not where to begin. My house is and looks like it shall ever remain... a shit hole. Pardon my colorful language choice but blimey. Kids in the house means a constant flow of toys, games, craft materials etc. all over the floor. I have to admit, I'm a big contributor to this constant flow, but that's OK in my eyes. Because I'm the one who has to clean and tidy, I definitely get to make mess. It's only fair.

   Please see exhibit A rather delightful example of what my beautiful daughter leaves for me after a play session. This, and I quote "Mummy, I like making a mess!" Really? I had absolutely NO idea. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually the kind of person who laughs at this sort of thing. As long as no little pieces go missing, (Note, all boxes are still lidded.) then I am fine. We all have a giggle, tidy up then wait for another tornado to hit tomorrow. Fortunately my husband is also of this temperament, so that saves a whole lot of family aggro.

Exhibit A 

   One particular thing that my husband does that winds me up, has to do with the bath. He NEVER rinses the bath around. I don't know why it irks me so much but it really does. Still, if that's all I've got to whinge about then well, I really shouldn't be whinging should I? 

   I really do need to get back on track with the housework. Since having the wee lad I've been slacking. I can't even blame it on the baby because 98% of the time he's brilliant. I need to formulate a plan of action. A chart perhaps of what needs doing and when etc. Or I should stop writing list's and compiling charts about cleaning and actually pick up a flippin' duster! That way, something might actually get cleaned. NO, I don't think so.

   It's My daughter's sports day tomorrow, one thing I absolutely hated when I was at school even when I was really young. I was very aware that I was utterly crap at all sports available on sports day and I've come to terms with it. I mean, I'm 4 foot 11.75 inches tall,  pear shaped, with zero tolerance for competitive streaks. So anything more energetic than tiddly winks, is completely off the table. 

   I digress. This bit's about my daughter and there I go whinging on again.

   I really can't wait to see her  play. She's told me she'll be running really fast and she going to win! (Well she doesn't get that from me!) Good God! I hope they don't make me do the egg and spoon race again!

  

 Well, as I appear to be nodding off at the computer desk, I'm thinking I should probably sign off. So cheerio one and all and take it easy!

New Allotment. New Baby. New Anti-Wrinkle Cream Needed.

   Blimey it's been a while, and believe me a lot has happened. First things first.
   This is actually something I was supposed to post in November last year, being smack bang in the middle of pregnancy number 2 we managed to acquire one! An allotment that is. One of my little family's dreams, small though it may be, has come true! We can now plant and nurture the cauliflowers that our hearts have long desired!

Planted and ready to grow!

It was not the best time to begin the project. Being half way through a pregnancy was not an ideal time to start picking up forks and digging for your life, but my husband was also excited about it and my daughter has proved a dab hand with a hoe so they were in charge at the beginning. I just picked out seeds and did a bit of research, When should I plant said cauli? For example.

Back breaking work needed!

The Burnett allotment project is now well under way since I had my baby, (Boy, gorgeous! More on him later) the top half is half planted and half waiting for planting, but the bottom half... WHOA! That half is going to need some T.L.C. There is a serious weed situation that needs dealing with....pronto!

Me and my Boy

My new arrival, as I mentioned previously, was a boy. A simply gorgeous boy if I do say so myself and I love the little fella to bits. He's such a good baby I don't know how I got so lucky to be honest. My daughter loves him as well which is great. There's no friction at the moment. A spot of jealousy at the very beginning, when visitors came round. My girl hardly ever spoke to anyone so the surprise on visitors faces when she struck up conversations, (drawing attention away from the wee lad) was really rather amusing.

Another boasting parent moment I'm afraid. My daughter is doing so well at school I'm brimming with pride! She knows all her alphabet both normally and phonetically, she spells out small words by herself and coming on leaps and bounds with her confidence! Chest. Swelling. So. Proud.

   Well, I reckon that's all I can (hopefully) hold your attention with for the moment. Plenty more has happened, but I shall save the 'failed to dilate' story for another time.
Toodleoo!