Total. Dehy. Dration.
Can't. Type. Another. Word.
*Sigh* Of course all of the above is a pack of lies, but this heat is quite simply making a giant sweaty monster of me. I'd be confident in sweating off loads of weight if I wasn't trying to re-hydrate myself with cinnamon swirl pastries.
*Squelch* I've boycotted bathing. I've just filled the bath up with Soltan SPF 50 and started each day by dipping me and the kids in it, ensuring that we stay the lovely pastey English white that we should be, as opposed to the lovely lobster red colour that the English seem take on after braving the sunshine for too long, only to live in regret the next day when taking that first shower or ripping burnt thigh's off of a leather sofa.
*Drip* Convinced that my brain had melted and is now oozing out of the pores in my forehead in the form of intellectual sweat. Must try and collect it and bathe in it after I drain the Soltan out of the tub. Hmm, don't think I even own a funnel.
*Pffffff* When living in the Lake District you do NOT get used to this kind of weather. I'm used to the rain and the wind and I love it! But this heat when surrounded but this many hills? I have to climb Mount Doom (slight exaggeration, but roll with it for the comedic visual.) just to get back from Morrisons for feck sake! That with a pram of shopping, sun in your face and a four year old on a scooter is going to do things to you. Physically and mentally. And I don't even get to rid the world of evil after the voyage is complete!
*Boing* My hair does strange things in the humidity.
*Sigh Again.* I'm so tired and yet I can't sleep because the heat keeps making me have weird dreams. Pregnancy, not being able to find my kids, hearing things. Might well be having a psychotic episode apart from the fact I don't want to kill anybody. I couldn't be bothered because it's too bloody hot! Oh yes, that reminds me, I must get a hammer and chisel tomorrow and get prepared to remove the countless layers of Soltan when the rain finally comes back. (Not as psychotic episode props! I'll leave that to the pro's, Jason, Freddie, Micheal Myers etc.)
*Glug* I reckon that's my heat whinge over with. I'm now off for a brew and a James Bond whinge with the husband. We've done Connery, Lazenby, Connery and Moore this week, I refuse to sit through Dalton until the new week begins. Bloody new Sky On Demand Router! I'm now on a mission to take over... The name's Disaster. Wife Mother Disaster. Step away from the remote!
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