Unfinished Business

Good evening all who dare to join me! 

As you will of realised by now (maybe) I am the queen of the unfinished project. If I may expand. I've given up on the allotment. It may surprise you to know that growing, maintaining and even thinking about plants is hard bloody work, and I appear to have an allergy to said form of exertion. Basically, I couldn't be arsed.

I decided that 'The Good Life' just isn't for me, especially at the moment, what with kid's, work, pot washing and not giving a shit. But I've now had two "not good for me at the moment" moments and have therefore drawn the conclusion that it's clearly not for me.

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of growing, tilling the land and all that shite, but when it comes to the crunch, I'm just not crunchy. I'm rather like a box of unwanted bran flakes, long opened and forgotten about. More soft and flaccid than crisp and crunchy as far as allotment work goes anyhow. I should just plan somebody else's allotment, I'd be awesome at that. Fantastic even, telling them what to do, researching what to put where, what not to put where and what to definitely wash your hands after touching, before going to the loo! That's it! I'm going to write a book on how to be an allotment owner without an allotment. Problem solved. I am winning!

Well, now we've gone over what I'm not good at, here's what I appear to be awesome at. EATING. Do I want to be talented at this? Hell no! But it appears to be one of my top 3 talents at least. as I can't stop shovelling crap into my mouth! If I could only dig potato trenches as well as I can dig into the biscuit tin, the allotment would be thriving. 

I've put half a stone on again this year because I stopped going to fat camp, so I need to start that up again or I'll end up growing chins, better than I ever grew cucumbers! So Slimming World it is, planning food and being aware of hand mouth coordination.

Well just a short and sweet entry about nothing in particular, as most of my type style dabblings appear to be. Good night, sleep tight and finger's crossed that I don't have an extra chin upon waking! Good God, I really must move that biscuit tin!

Happy New Year!

Whoops! Put 4 pounds on over the festive period 😱 and i'm not showing any signs of gaining control over my eating!! This must stop, weight goes on far too easily so tonight I'm going to write a menu and a shopping list and then I'm going to stick to the bugger! Celery for breakfast, lunch and dinner! I think not, but definitely need to cut out the crap!
In other news; I've got a new allotment! When we last got hold of one, my lad was just tiny and then it was too hard for me personally, to get digging between breast feeds. I'm fairly sure there are some wonder mum's out there who can strap on a papoose, grab a fork and dig up spuds to sell on their market stall whilst breast feeding on one boob and expressing the other. But alas, sad as it is, I cannot count myself among them.
To be honest, my gut feeling is telling me it's still too soon. Ideally, I would like to wait until little fella is at school, so then I could really put some time into it. As you can see from the picture, there is a lot of work to be done, and since we got it, someone has already been on trashed the gate and stolen chairs so I'm already a little disheartened by the ordeal. Fortunately they weren't my chairs, they were on the plot already, but not the point. Some people are turds! Putting it politely of course.
Anyway, moving on to my more positive feelings of allotment excitement, I've bought myself some tools yay! I've watched some you tube videos, and now counting myself among the professional joiners of the world (PAH!) I'm going to (attempt to) make a fence out of the pallets that we have up there. It's a dear old do starting up an allotment, so the best thing I can do is make the most of what's up there already, if it hasn't been pinched by the next time I go up there that is.
Well readers, wish me luck with my allotment endeavours, hopefully I will get somewhere with the raw wilderness that has been bestowed upon me.
Happy New Year!!!
Ps. If anyone has any advice at all on clearing a hideously overgrown allotment, please comment below, would love to hear anything helpful. Cheers!

The Festivities Are Still Flourishing

Forgot about party time at the mother-in-law's! An emergency nap time has been put into place for my son, not me. (unfortunately!) Got to admit, had a pretty stressful morning at work today, a couple of no-shows on top of too many holidays. But the cherry on the top was that I was placed on the mean, green machine of misery! So after all that palaver, I'm glad I'm going out for a few laughs and a bit of wine!🍷
Stepped onto the scales this morning and to my surprise, I have only gained two pounds, now that's a bloody miracle! The sheer volume of chocolate and biscuits I have consumed is nobody's business! Can't say I'm moaning, although I haven't let it put me off eating even more quantities of junk, so by the time I get to Slimming world on Wednesday, I'll probably have gained another two. At least! Never mind, diet starts (again) tomorrow.
Just short and sweet. As I mentioned previously, I'm very close to being late for the party so toodlepip, time for me to have a wet wipe wash and apply some new, Christmas eyeliner. Merry Christmas, happy new year and all that jazz!

Christmas Been And Gone

Yes, Christmas has been and gone. A few pound's lost from the bank account, another few pound's gained around the waistline. Hark! The herald angels have sang, and Santa very nearly almost, got stuck up the chimney! So ding dong merrily on high, I have to say I have enjoyed myself thoroughly! I'm sat here typing on my new tablet eating copious amounts of Thornton's chocolate, wishing I didn't have to go back to Slimming world next week. Because I know after this, my second full box of chocolate's in as many days, the scales will not be my friend! This is the price one must pay for a bout of festive gluttony.
Another major downside to eating massive amounts of anything is that my family appears to have turned into a mass collection of trumpet trouser's. Sprout's, cabbage, parsnips, carrot and swede, roast and mashed spuds, peas, turkey, stuffing, pigs in blankets and of course, a few Yorkshire puds. Goodness me, no wonder we were all stuffed after reading that list of ingredients, and is it indeed any wonder that our carol singing has been purely consistent of flatulance! At least we can blame the smell on the veg and my daughter's disgusting smelly scratch and sniff book! (I actually borked!)
None of us even got dressed on Christmas day, we were having far too much fun opening pressies, following ridiculous construction instructions, hunting down lost bones, (Buster the dog game's, not mine) and generally having a blast!
Just put the kids to bed and feeling extremely tired myself I will very shortly be following suit. I've had another lovely Christmas with my less than perfect but highly awesome family, and I'm hoping that the new year will see more of the same. I love my less than perfect but highly awesome life! (Most of the time anyway 😂)

Ho Ho Ho!

Hark the herald Angels are singing! Christmas is almost upon us people, it is very almost here! So here we are again, running around like headless chickens, seeing how many tubs of Quality Street and boxes of Paxo we can cram into our trolleys, like Armageddon is about to ensue.

Holy moly people! Take a breath! You will not die if you don't have a back up pack of prawns for a 'just in case' situation. Nobodies Christmas will be ruined if you only have five dessert choices. Blooming heck! And can someone please tell me why the Christmas period turns people into bad tempered arse-pots when it's supposed to be the season of joy and goodwill? 

Oh I do like a Christmas moan, only because I get so tickled watching some people, in supermarkets especially, mow down every Tom, Dick and Harry just to get at a pot of Elmlea! I mean please, it's Christmas, get the real bloody thing! At least I could see the point of a good mow-down if they were trying to reach the 'extra thick chocolate cream with a hit of Cointreau!' But Elmlea? Surely not! 

Not everyone is grumpy of course, I've been having a giggle and gossip about all manner of festive things that go on, work do's, Panto's, Grotto's, Carol Singing-O's, the whole kit and caboodle! I do love this time of year. 

I've just managed to get myself feeling properly festive. Got the tree up yesterday and the ceiling 'danglers' up today. The kids thoroughly enjoyed putting the baubles on the tree, and I adored watching their little faces as I turned the lights on. They got so giddy, dancing around to Christmas songs and nearly knocking the tree over, (4 'almost's' to date!) but it's all worth it. Fun and high spirits in the house of Burnett this season.

We've actually been a little bit crafty this year, making our own paper chains which we've hung around each fire place, and I've even threatened to send Christmas cards! (They've been written but not posted, I'm half way there at least.) Next on the crimbo agenda, finish wrapping, get a hot chocolate and go through the Total TV Guide to plan my Christmas viewing. Yes people, I am that sad. But I'm not sorry for it, I like doing it. 

Well, that was a nice short and sweet little post to get my blogging flow back to scratch, it's been a while, (again) so apologies to anyone who likes a read. I'll be back in a few days with some more Christmas merriment. Ho Ho Ho!

Just Thanking My Lucky Stars

Hello all! I've been reading a lot of blogs this week. I have come across so many lovely ones while scanning through my Twitter feed, and as I had a few spare minutes, (by avoiding washing the pots,) I sat with a brew and my phone and scanned away.

There were a lot this week with a similar vein running throughout them and the general feeling is that a lot of mothers out there, don't think very highly of themselves and are very lacking in self confidence. It is really sad seeing women in these down trodden attitudes when I'm sure the families and friends surrounding these lovely ladies think very highly of them indeed. My life story is far from perfect and I often have the very same fears and anxieties as the rest, which is obviously why a lot was ringing true with me, and why I chose these particular ones to read.

There are many mothers who seem to aspire to completely unattainable targets by looking at others who are far further on in their own personal journey, Mumpreneur's, blogging and  PR experts etc. We tend to look at the end product of these people and think to ourselves 'I could never do that' and 'why can't I have an amazing idea like that?' The thing is, I bet these people started out with a fair few ups and downs and a few less grey hairs! Great success doesn't come over night for the most part in any case, and I'm pretty sure a few mini or indeed epic failures, occur in the middle of each and every journey.

I read a quote earlier in the week which read

Don't compare your chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 20.

and this is absolutely paramount to realise if we want to maintain even an ounce of sanity!

Fortunately I have a fairly lighthearted attitude towards life and I feel my ability to laugh  at myself has steered me clear of alcohol and happy pills. As I mentioned before, my fears are the same as most but I can laugh most of them off. We are who we are and we can either accept it and roll with the punches or curl up in a ball, call for a straight jacket and sob away in a dark corner of a padded sell. Personally I've tried both, but the aforementioned has better end results in the long term.

May I just say without even a smidgeon of self pity that like most of you, my life is far from perfect. I'm a mother of two which is hard work. Even though my kids are generally good and well behaved, parenthood is never without stress. I live in a small town, three story terraced house, filled with damp, clutter, loose laminate planks, frayed carpet and an undecorated bathroom which has been that way since I was pregnant with my first child. (6 years!!!) I have no money to put any of these imperfections right so I have come to terms with the fact I shall be living like this for a while. And to top it off I work as a cleaner from 6:00am until 9:00am so I can help provide for my family and still have the full day to look after my children, be for there for them at all times, without smothering and spoiling them of course. 

But, I have a great husband who fills my life with hilarity and has done for close to fourteen years, and I am happy. So I thank each and every one of my lucky stars daily and without fail because even though I'm not a fabulous Mumpreneur or Blogging superstar, and I'm still waiting for that all important lottery win, (should really start buying tickets!) I'm doing OK and I sincerely hope you all are too. Don't let your self esteem be kicked to the gutter because you don't feel the best at anything. The only thing we need to be is the very best version of ourselves possible and that's all we can do on our one time visit to this mortal coil.

Lots of love x

Mean, Green, Cleaning Machine.

You know when you just have one of those day's? Well this morning was ridiculous! The first incident was I was on the machine at work, it was a nightmare. Brief explanation of 'the machine.' It is a big green cleaning machine which lets out water onto rotating pads, cleaning the area. A rubber blade with a hose attached, scrapes the floor behind and sucks up the dirty water. That simple. We had a new one delivered this week and I was all excited about having a smooth run. Yeah right, too much to bloody ask obviously. Now what was I saying about simplicity? Here's what happened, cue bullet points if you please:

1. I had to move loads of crap out of the way to even move it to the trough. (to fill it with water.)
2. I put the wrong bar on and the water sucker hose wouldn't fit.
3. I put the right bar on and the hose wouldn't fit! I had to call upon a colleague with a penis (previous hose experience) to help put it on.
4. Went on the shop floor, forgot the blue roll to clean the bar.
5. Loads of giant pallets in the way, had to keep making intricate turns all over the place.
6. The bar fell off.
7. The bar kept getting little bits stuck to it leaving streaks all over the floor.
8. The bar fell off again.
9. The machine was letting out too much water.
10. The machine was not sucking up the water but instead, smearing puddles all over the floor causing hazards everywhere!
11. The bar started going down too far making the smearing worse.
12. Run out of time to finish job and had to come off the shop floor.
13. Couldn't get the hose off. 
14. The cleaning pads wouldn't come off the machine.
15. Left machine unclean for tomorrow.
16. Expecting a telling off in the morning.
17. Expecting to pop my top in the morning.

All that and it rained and made my fringe look like a moustache. One word for you people....NIGHTMARE!

Stupid Moustache Fringe!

I'm pretty much expecting more of the same tomorrow as my boss is never in the best of moods on a Monday, and she's going to walk into my list of the million things that went wrong. I just hope I end up still employed!

All that after I left my house in such high spirits this morning too! Well as they say, tomorrow is another day so fingers crossed that the boss is in a better mood than usual, at this moment in time that is all I can hope for. Fingers crossed for me folks! 

Another ridiculous day in the life of a cleaner, one good thing though, I came home and my husband had cleaned the kitchen for me so at least I didn't have to don the marigolds and get scrubbing at home! Oh he's a good'un my fella bless him. Just a nice little thing that brushes all the other crap under the carpet. 

Happy Days people and I shall be back soon for another episode of Wife, Mother, Disaster Area.