Just Thanking My Lucky Stars

Hello all! I've been reading a lot of blogs this week. I have come across so many lovely ones while scanning through my Twitter feed, and as I had a few spare minutes, (by avoiding washing the pots,) I sat with a brew and my phone and scanned away.

There were a lot this week with a similar vein running throughout them and the general feeling is that a lot of mothers out there, don't think very highly of themselves and are very lacking in self confidence. It is really sad seeing women in these down trodden attitudes when I'm sure the families and friends surrounding these lovely ladies think very highly of them indeed. My life story is far from perfect and I often have the very same fears and anxieties as the rest, which is obviously why a lot was ringing true with me, and why I chose these particular ones to read.

There are many mothers who seem to aspire to completely unattainable targets by looking at others who are far further on in their own personal journey, Mumpreneur's, blogging and  PR experts etc. We tend to look at the end product of these people and think to ourselves 'I could never do that' and 'why can't I have an amazing idea like that?' The thing is, I bet these people started out with a fair few ups and downs and a few less grey hairs! Great success doesn't come over night for the most part in any case, and I'm pretty sure a few mini or indeed epic failures, occur in the middle of each and every journey.

I read a quote earlier in the week which read

Don't compare your chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 20.

and this is absolutely paramount to realise if we want to maintain even an ounce of sanity!

Fortunately I have a fairly lighthearted attitude towards life and I feel my ability to laugh  at myself has steered me clear of alcohol and happy pills. As I mentioned before, my fears are the same as most but I can laugh most of them off. We are who we are and we can either accept it and roll with the punches or curl up in a ball, call for a straight jacket and sob away in a dark corner of a padded sell. Personally I've tried both, but the aforementioned has better end results in the long term.

May I just say without even a smidgeon of self pity that like most of you, my life is far from perfect. I'm a mother of two which is hard work. Even though my kids are generally good and well behaved, parenthood is never without stress. I live in a small town, three story terraced house, filled with damp, clutter, loose laminate planks, frayed carpet and an undecorated bathroom which has been that way since I was pregnant with my first child. (6 years!!!) I have no money to put any of these imperfections right so I have come to terms with the fact I shall be living like this for a while. And to top it off I work as a cleaner from 6:00am until 9:00am so I can help provide for my family and still have the full day to look after my children, be for there for them at all times, without smothering and spoiling them of course. 

But, I have a great husband who fills my life with hilarity and has done for close to fourteen years, and I am happy. So I thank each and every one of my lucky stars daily and without fail because even though I'm not a fabulous Mumpreneur or Blogging superstar, and I'm still waiting for that all important lottery win, (should really start buying tickets!) I'm doing OK and I sincerely hope you all are too. Don't let your self esteem be kicked to the gutter because you don't feel the best at anything. The only thing we need to be is the very best version of ourselves possible and that's all we can do on our one time visit to this mortal coil.

Lots of love x

Mean, Green, Cleaning Machine.

You know when you just have one of those day's? Well this morning was ridiculous! The first incident was I was on the machine at work, it was a nightmare. Brief explanation of 'the machine.' It is a big green cleaning machine which lets out water onto rotating pads, cleaning the area. A rubber blade with a hose attached, scrapes the floor behind and sucks up the dirty water. That simple. We had a new one delivered this week and I was all excited about having a smooth run. Yeah right, too much to bloody ask obviously. Now what was I saying about simplicity? Here's what happened, cue bullet points if you please:

1. I had to move loads of crap out of the way to even move it to the trough. (to fill it with water.)
2. I put the wrong bar on and the water sucker hose wouldn't fit.
3. I put the right bar on and the hose wouldn't fit! I had to call upon a colleague with a penis (previous hose experience) to help put it on.
4. Went on the shop floor, forgot the blue roll to clean the bar.
5. Loads of giant pallets in the way, had to keep making intricate turns all over the place.
6. The bar fell off.
7. The bar kept getting little bits stuck to it leaving streaks all over the floor.
8. The bar fell off again.
9. The machine was letting out too much water.
10. The machine was not sucking up the water but instead, smearing puddles all over the floor causing hazards everywhere!
11. The bar started going down too far making the smearing worse.
12. Run out of time to finish job and had to come off the shop floor.
13. Couldn't get the hose off. 
14. The cleaning pads wouldn't come off the machine.
15. Left machine unclean for tomorrow.
16. Expecting a telling off in the morning.
17. Expecting to pop my top in the morning.

All that and it rained and made my fringe look like a moustache. One word for you people....NIGHTMARE!

Stupid Moustache Fringe!

I'm pretty much expecting more of the same tomorrow as my boss is never in the best of moods on a Monday, and she's going to walk into my list of the million things that went wrong. I just hope I end up still employed!

All that after I left my house in such high spirits this morning too! Well as they say, tomorrow is another day so fingers crossed that the boss is in a better mood than usual, at this moment in time that is all I can hope for. Fingers crossed for me folks! 

Another ridiculous day in the life of a cleaner, one good thing though, I came home and my husband had cleaned the kitchen for me so at least I didn't have to don the marigolds and get scrubbing at home! Oh he's a good'un my fella bless him. Just a nice little thing that brushes all the other crap under the carpet. 

Happy Days people and I shall be back soon for another episode of Wife, Mother, Disaster Area.

Yay Holiday In More Way's Than One.

The Summer holidays are upon us, well, they have been for a week now, and I've found the rhythm quite nicely. My Girl has been really good up to now and so has my boy which is brilliant! I however have not been sleeping because of the damn heat but I've already had my whinge about that so I won't dwell. 

Here's something cool.....That's right people, me and the family are going on holiday! I don't know where as it's a surprise for me, but I can't wait to jolly well get there!

We did the surprise thing 3 years ago and my husband planned the whole thing. We spent a few days caravanning in Prestatyn Wales and it was brilliant. I have full confidence in the hubby's choice of hols, it will be great! I only have the one worry really, my gorgeous baby boy. The little monster will not drink from a bottle and because he's that good on the breast boob I haven't pushed it, but it'd be helpful if he would just take to it. Unfortunately I'm not the kind of person who's comfortable getting her boobs out in public. I don't care what people think about breast feeding, it's natural, we make it so we may as well use it and helloooo, it's FREE! I just don't like getting the girls out in public for all to see. I'm shy OK!? So that may prove challenging. The only thing I know about the holiday is that I'm going to need my walking boots so I guess I shall be spending time breast feeding in bushes or up tree's. This should be awesome! Talk about getting back to nature. (No sarcasm here, I actually really am excited!) It's going to be great spending real quality time with the family before I go back to work and before my girl goes into full time education. So I think this shows what kind of holiday I really want, well that's it then, the Burnett's are gonna rock it out in the wilderness! (I totally hope anyway, I'll probably end up spending a week in London and coming home covered in soot and declaring bankruptcy! haha!)

Well, just a little whitter from me today so until next we meet, make the most of life as you only get the one! Toodleoo! 

A Fairy Tale Moment

All about the Khaki

Once upon a time there was a 16 year old teenager. She was average looking with braces, black and red hair and a penchant for hanging around pub's. One chilly night, this teenager decided to go and watch a few local bands play at one such pub. She arrived nice and early (7:30pm, only 16 remember,) wearing khaki combats, a khaki vest, a baggy knitted jumper with holes in and some Dr. Martens, and went to the bar to order her favourite tipple. This tipple was a raspberry Panda Pop as she was too scared to order alcohol for fear of a) being refused and b) going home drunk. (Parents would be furious!)

So there she was, Panda Pop in hand, when she noticed a long haired gentleman sat at the other side of the bar. Being a little bit ballsy (though not enough to defy the parents and get drunk,) and slightly hyper off the ridiculous blue colouring of the Panda Pop, she decided that she would go forth and introduce herself to the stranger sat among his friends. She did it, they laughed, they went out for a while and she ended up marrying......... his friend.

The one I married

And they are currently living a happy existence with their kids and their cat, in their castle 3 story terrace which never gets hoovered.

Not The End.

P.S. This would be one of those moments I refer to in  my very first post,  The Beginning for you, not for me. where i mention that when events dry up I shall dig up some history. Consider some history dug. 

Oh Knickers!

Hello there one and all!

I was getting my little girl ready for school this morning when suddenly she said "Mummy, I've got a wedgie!" Obviously it's time I bought the girl some new undies, she's growing up way too fast for my liking. Then I thought to myself, I can't even remember the last time I had a wedgie and then I looked at the contents of my knicker drawer.

Just a little sketch to put the point across.
Well, I wasn't taking pictures of my knicker drawer!

Well it's no bloody wonder I don't have wedgies any more, you should see the size of my crackers!  Parachutes and tall ship sails as far as the eye can see. It's a wonder I haven't been carried off whilst blow drying!

   The reason? Well that's it isn't it, since having my babies I appear to have been purchasing yacht sails and wearing them as underpants. As a parent I do have to go for comfort as I'm sure a lot of you are aware, walking along on the school run picking lacey knickers out of your bum is not something your kid's want to be associated with. And no child  needs "Oh yeah, that's knicker picker's son!" being shouted at the school gates about them. School's hard enough! 

   I did however find 4 pairs of pretty patterned things obviously acquired before I started buying underwear from bosun's locker, and before baby number 2, when I had time to practise the art of seduction. All that's gone to pot now of course, the best we can hope for is a quick "are they asleep? Quick get naked!" and away we go! I mean, planning a lace encased evening of passion is nigh impossible! So alas I have become the queen of the cotton gusset. Practical, comfortable and minimal chance of a yeast infection. (We've all had 'em, and we know it ain't good!)

   I digress, the point is I'm utterly shocked about the size of my 'smalls' because this lead me to thinking at great length (or rather width) about another thing. Good God, you should see the size of my arse! Yes, not rocket science I admit.  Maths tutorial

                             large knickers = lard erm I mean, large arse.

   I shall HAVE to do something about this! I'm not completely massive but I could certainly do with losing a few pounds, to stop the chaffing if nothing else. I'm thinking about Slimming World. I managed to lose a stone and a half last time, put a stone back on like, but kept the half off. Now I think it's high time I re-tackled it! I don't mind being buxom, but for the sake of my health, and my knicker drawer, it's time to fight some flab! I'm going for it, lose 5 pounds and treat myself to a new pair of satin knickers. 

   With a cotton gusset of course!

  

 Is there anyone else who, with parenthood looming over you, have opted for the cotton? Can you be bothered donning silk G-strings instead of Bridget Jones' style bloomers? Do share, but not with too much detail please.

Motherhood Mayhem

 Well good day to all who view! I am currently in the middle of;

• trying to plan a birthday party for my daughter next month
• planning my crafting for Christmas tit bit's
• imagining list after list of things that need doing in my house before bundle of joy number two is born, and last but not least
• figuring out how long I should take of work after bundle of joy number two is born.

 

and in all honesty I'm beginning to find it all a bit overwhelming. Not only do I have all of the above to consider, but it has just hit me that not only am I pregnant, but I will in fact have another child to look after!! I realise that makes me a little slow on the uptake, I mean I know how the whole thing works of course,

My first pregnancy bump.

1. you have sex
2. you get pregnant if you're lucky (or unlucky, depending on the situation!)
3. you stay pregnant for a number of months and then
4. you have a baby by pushing or slicing, which you usually keep, love and cherish forever. (this also depending on the situation.)

I obviously just didn't realise it applied to me this time. Doh! So I was just sitting in my recliner last night and had a mild panic attack about the thought that "Oh shit! I'm gonna have TWO kids to look after!!!!" Followed by another thought of "AHHHHHHHH!"

Oh well, it can't be too hard can it? My mother's had six and she managed OK, I guess only time will tell.

 

 The whole 'operation tidy' I spoke of yesterday did not come into fruition. My brother is ill (likely story ha ha) and my Mother is planning a divorce (thank God, the man's a pillock!) so I did what any woman in their right mind would do, sat on my back side and watched anything at all to prevent me from doing the housework.

 After watching crap on the tele I had a visit from my mother with all manor of jargon from the solicitors, council etc. And we had a good gossip about the fact that husband number 3 is a beep beep beepety beep! During this we totally lost track of time, my bath had run to a ridiculous level and my cat had pooped with a ridiculous level of stench. I had to literally dive into said bath, scrub a dub dub and get the hell out, leaving my mum downstairs with the aroma of poo, a scented candle and a box of matches!

 Consequently we had to drive around the corner to pick my girl up, without me even having time to bush my sodden hair. Slummy Mummy or what?!

 

My own playdough creation.

 All serious questions will have to be pondered onlater in the day, the only serious answer I've fallen upon is that I'm going to let my daughter have a full day at her school nursery as well as her free morning sessions. This is only due to he fact that she has been crazing my gear box about having a packed lunch. She wants to take grapes, an orange, a banana and a cheese sandwich. At least I can be thankful that she has healthy taste.

 

 An eventful day and it's not even gone 2:00pm. Love my life, and I'm not even being sarcastic. Big smiles as always from me.

Two Times With Three Results!

 For the first time for a long time the husband and I had a night to ourselves on Friday. My girl went to my Mother's for the night and I can't tell you how weird it felt. Having said that, I quickly got over it and managed to eat my way through 3 platefuls and a pudding at our local Chinese banquet which was absolutely delicious.

 The husband and I were enjoying our rather yummy grub and talking about intellectual subject's such as politics, (I don't get most of it,) phonics, (I just don't see the point of the added confusion,) and phonic tests on "made up" words. (I mean really?) I actually had to point out the fact that we were being very grown up, discussing things that affect the growth and development of our child. We are actually good parents, (toot toot goes my trumpet) we love our girl and our foetus and obviously want whats best for them both, but it's just as surprising watching ourselves grow up and develop as much as our young! You just never stop learning in this lifetime.

 When we got home after intellectualising, I called my mum just to see how my wee'un was, if she'd gone to bed OK etc, and of course she had, and been as good as gold about it bless her, she just couldn't wait to go and see her Auntie and Uncle's who are much younger than myself, and obviously loads more fun, queue sad 'put out' mother face.

 After the phone call which i knew wouldn't behold any bad news, but us mothers just like to check don't we, myself and the ball and chain sat down to some word games on our phone apps, and laughed at words we'd found such as 'fart' and 'shite,' our level of maturity is quite frankly astonishing, but I love our relationship and wouldn't change anything at all about it. We then went on to have sex...... TWICE! With THREE reslults, if you know what I mean wink knudge. Not something i usually like to discuss but I'm a bit smug about it to be honest. 13 years together and we can still manage twice in a night, I may live a sheltered life but I happen to think that's awesome!

 

 My holiday from work started yesterday and my plan was that during my 5 days off I'm going to try and make my house a little less of a junk yard, so my teenage brother has been bribed round to help me do the heavy lifting bits and my mother has been roped into doing the driving to the tip bits, I may finally have a front room free of crap tomorrow woo hoo! I'll let you know how that little venture turns out tomorrow.

 If anyone has any views or props to help me get a bit more on board with Phonics, I'd love to get a better understanding of them, especially seeing they are a masive part of my child's learning development, please give me a clue. Books, sites, cd roms, anything that has proven useful to you would be a great help, cheers!