Unfinished Business

Good evening all who dare to join me! 

As you will of realised by now (maybe) I am the queen of the unfinished project. If I may expand. I've given up on the allotment. It may surprise you to know that growing, maintaining and even thinking about plants is hard bloody work, and I appear to have an allergy to said form of exertion. Basically, I couldn't be arsed.

I decided that 'The Good Life' just isn't for me, especially at the moment, what with kid's, work, pot washing and not giving a shit. But I've now had two "not good for me at the moment" moments and have therefore drawn the conclusion that it's clearly not for me.

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of growing, tilling the land and all that shite, but when it comes to the crunch, I'm just not crunchy. I'm rather like a box of unwanted bran flakes, long opened and forgotten about. More soft and flaccid than crisp and crunchy as far as allotment work goes anyhow. I should just plan somebody else's allotment, I'd be awesome at that. Fantastic even, telling them what to do, researching what to put where, what not to put where and what to definitely wash your hands after touching, before going to the loo! That's it! I'm going to write a book on how to be an allotment owner without an allotment. Problem solved. I am winning!

Well, now we've gone over what I'm not good at, here's what I appear to be awesome at. EATING. Do I want to be talented at this? Hell no! But it appears to be one of my top 3 talents at least. as I can't stop shovelling crap into my mouth! If I could only dig potato trenches as well as I can dig into the biscuit tin, the allotment would be thriving. 

I've put half a stone on again this year because I stopped going to fat camp, so I need to start that up again or I'll end up growing chins, better than I ever grew cucumbers! So Slimming World it is, planning food and being aware of hand mouth coordination.

Well just a short and sweet entry about nothing in particular, as most of my type style dabblings appear to be. Good night, sleep tight and finger's crossed that I don't have an extra chin upon waking! Good God, I really must move that biscuit tin!

Just Thanking My Lucky Stars

Hello all! I've been reading a lot of blogs this week. I have come across so many lovely ones while scanning through my Twitter feed, and as I had a few spare minutes, (by avoiding washing the pots,) I sat with a brew and my phone and scanned away.

There were a lot this week with a similar vein running throughout them and the general feeling is that a lot of mothers out there, don't think very highly of themselves and are very lacking in self confidence. It is really sad seeing women in these down trodden attitudes when I'm sure the families and friends surrounding these lovely ladies think very highly of them indeed. My life story is far from perfect and I often have the very same fears and anxieties as the rest, which is obviously why a lot was ringing true with me, and why I chose these particular ones to read.

There are many mothers who seem to aspire to completely unattainable targets by looking at others who are far further on in their own personal journey, Mumpreneur's, blogging and  PR experts etc. We tend to look at the end product of these people and think to ourselves 'I could never do that' and 'why can't I have an amazing idea like that?' The thing is, I bet these people started out with a fair few ups and downs and a few less grey hairs! Great success doesn't come over night for the most part in any case, and I'm pretty sure a few mini or indeed epic failures, occur in the middle of each and every journey.

I read a quote earlier in the week which read

Don't compare your chapter 1 to somebody else's chapter 20.

and this is absolutely paramount to realise if we want to maintain even an ounce of sanity!

Fortunately I have a fairly lighthearted attitude towards life and I feel my ability to laugh  at myself has steered me clear of alcohol and happy pills. As I mentioned before, my fears are the same as most but I can laugh most of them off. We are who we are and we can either accept it and roll with the punches or curl up in a ball, call for a straight jacket and sob away in a dark corner of a padded sell. Personally I've tried both, but the aforementioned has better end results in the long term.

May I just say without even a smidgeon of self pity that like most of you, my life is far from perfect. I'm a mother of two which is hard work. Even though my kids are generally good and well behaved, parenthood is never without stress. I live in a small town, three story terraced house, filled with damp, clutter, loose laminate planks, frayed carpet and an undecorated bathroom which has been that way since I was pregnant with my first child. (6 years!!!) I have no money to put any of these imperfections right so I have come to terms with the fact I shall be living like this for a while. And to top it off I work as a cleaner from 6:00am until 9:00am so I can help provide for my family and still have the full day to look after my children, be for there for them at all times, without smothering and spoiling them of course. 

But, I have a great husband who fills my life with hilarity and has done for close to fourteen years, and I am happy. So I thank each and every one of my lucky stars daily and without fail because even though I'm not a fabulous Mumpreneur or Blogging superstar, and I'm still waiting for that all important lottery win, (should really start buying tickets!) I'm doing OK and I sincerely hope you all are too. Don't let your self esteem be kicked to the gutter because you don't feel the best at anything. The only thing we need to be is the very best version of ourselves possible and that's all we can do on our one time visit to this mortal coil.

Lots of love x

Mean, Green, Cleaning Machine.

You know when you just have one of those day's? Well this morning was ridiculous! The first incident was I was on the machine at work, it was a nightmare. Brief explanation of 'the machine.' It is a big green cleaning machine which lets out water onto rotating pads, cleaning the area. A rubber blade with a hose attached, scrapes the floor behind and sucks up the dirty water. That simple. We had a new one delivered this week and I was all excited about having a smooth run. Yeah right, too much to bloody ask obviously. Now what was I saying about simplicity? Here's what happened, cue bullet points if you please:

1. I had to move loads of crap out of the way to even move it to the trough. (to fill it with water.)
2. I put the wrong bar on and the water sucker hose wouldn't fit.
3. I put the right bar on and the hose wouldn't fit! I had to call upon a colleague with a penis (previous hose experience) to help put it on.
4. Went on the shop floor, forgot the blue roll to clean the bar.
5. Loads of giant pallets in the way, had to keep making intricate turns all over the place.
6. The bar fell off.
7. The bar kept getting little bits stuck to it leaving streaks all over the floor.
8. The bar fell off again.
9. The machine was letting out too much water.
10. The machine was not sucking up the water but instead, smearing puddles all over the floor causing hazards everywhere!
11. The bar started going down too far making the smearing worse.
12. Run out of time to finish job and had to come off the shop floor.
13. Couldn't get the hose off. 
14. The cleaning pads wouldn't come off the machine.
15. Left machine unclean for tomorrow.
16. Expecting a telling off in the morning.
17. Expecting to pop my top in the morning.

All that and it rained and made my fringe look like a moustache. One word for you people....NIGHTMARE!

Stupid Moustache Fringe!

I'm pretty much expecting more of the same tomorrow as my boss is never in the best of moods on a Monday, and she's going to walk into my list of the million things that went wrong. I just hope I end up still employed!

All that after I left my house in such high spirits this morning too! Well as they say, tomorrow is another day so fingers crossed that the boss is in a better mood than usual, at this moment in time that is all I can hope for. Fingers crossed for me folks! 

Another ridiculous day in the life of a cleaner, one good thing though, I came home and my husband had cleaned the kitchen for me so at least I didn't have to don the marigolds and get scrubbing at home! Oh he's a good'un my fella bless him. Just a nice little thing that brushes all the other crap under the carpet. 

Happy Days people and I shall be back soon for another episode of Wife, Mother, Disaster Area.

Oh Knickers!

Hello there one and all!

I was getting my little girl ready for school this morning when suddenly she said "Mummy, I've got a wedgie!" Obviously it's time I bought the girl some new undies, she's growing up way too fast for my liking. Then I thought to myself, I can't even remember the last time I had a wedgie and then I looked at the contents of my knicker drawer.

Just a little sketch to put the point across.
Well, I wasn't taking pictures of my knicker drawer!

Well it's no bloody wonder I don't have wedgies any more, you should see the size of my crackers!  Parachutes and tall ship sails as far as the eye can see. It's a wonder I haven't been carried off whilst blow drying!

   The reason? Well that's it isn't it, since having my babies I appear to have been purchasing yacht sails and wearing them as underpants. As a parent I do have to go for comfort as I'm sure a lot of you are aware, walking along on the school run picking lacey knickers out of your bum is not something your kid's want to be associated with. And no child  needs "Oh yeah, that's knicker picker's son!" being shouted at the school gates about them. School's hard enough! 

   I did however find 4 pairs of pretty patterned things obviously acquired before I started buying underwear from bosun's locker, and before baby number 2, when I had time to practise the art of seduction. All that's gone to pot now of course, the best we can hope for is a quick "are they asleep? Quick get naked!" and away we go! I mean, planning a lace encased evening of passion is nigh impossible! So alas I have become the queen of the cotton gusset. Practical, comfortable and minimal chance of a yeast infection. (We've all had 'em, and we know it ain't good!)

   I digress, the point is I'm utterly shocked about the size of my 'smalls' because this lead me to thinking at great length (or rather width) about another thing. Good God, you should see the size of my arse! Yes, not rocket science I admit.  Maths tutorial

                             large knickers = lard erm I mean, large arse.

   I shall HAVE to do something about this! I'm not completely massive but I could certainly do with losing a few pounds, to stop the chaffing if nothing else. I'm thinking about Slimming World. I managed to lose a stone and a half last time, put a stone back on like, but kept the half off. Now I think it's high time I re-tackled it! I don't mind being buxom, but for the sake of my health, and my knicker drawer, it's time to fight some flab! I'm going for it, lose 5 pounds and treat myself to a new pair of satin knickers. 

   With a cotton gusset of course!

  

 Is there anyone else who, with parenthood looming over you, have opted for the cotton? Can you be bothered donning silk G-strings instead of Bridget Jones' style bloomers? Do share, but not with too much detail please.

What Should I Be When I Grow Up?

Goodness me this is a question that has been bugging me for a while now. I'd really like to re-train myself in doing something I love. Not so much at the moment because I have my two fab kiddiwinks to take care of and that's going to take up most/all of my time for quite a few years, but I'm thinking when my boy starts nursery in four years, (can't beat planning ahead!) I've got a bit of spare time to educate myself in something new. 

At the moment I'm on maternity from my cleaning job, and while the cleaning job is

• money
• perfect shift hours
• not bad pay
• fits in with my life nicely
• and has the chance of being offered over time.

Let's face it, nobody wants to be a cleaner for the rest of their life. I really want to have a shot at doing something I love. One problem mind... not entirely sure what I would love to do. 

I love getting creative and I already make some little things for relatives and myself, cards, cakes and poetry  mostly, so perhaps taking a leap and starting up my own business. Perhaps that might be too ambitious though as I am officially Her Royal Highness, the Queen of dis-organisation. Call me thick but you probably need to be organized to run your own business. I'm going to take some of those online career quiz's, and have fun seeing what I have the skills for. Watch me come back with 'your skills are suited too CLEANING' and/or 'growing cauliflowers' 

Hug Me!

Well, like I said, I've a while to think about it all. The most important thing in my life is my family and they come first. Not as a chore but as a pleasure. Oh, and my allotment is on the list as a close second, so I shall continue to nurture my children, my husband and my cauli's and live my little life contentedly. 

Good Clean Fun

 After functioning on very minimal sleep yesterday, I'm actually quite proud of myself. I managed to get nothing done which is what I set out to do.
 I nearly had a parental blip though. I bathed and dressed my little girl, dried and plaited her hair, breakfast ready then remembered that she needed to be wearing black. Queue massive hunt for some form of mini goth clothing. Fortunately my mother had just brought her a black top the other day, and girls of all ages own a pair of black leggings, especially a girl like mine who happens to be a dirt magnet. So after a mild panic we still managed to get fed, watered and changed, ready and out of the house on time. Hooray! Other than the mini 'drama noir' nothing at all eventful occured.

 Today after I took my girl to nursery, I had a big ol' ring round to see who will be paying my maternity pay. I read a work letter through only to find out that I'm earning £7.00 less than I should be in order to get SMP but I'll still be entitled to maternity allowance, I know I'll be getting paid just not who by just yet. Midwife appointment has been booked to obtain the wondrous form that everyone seems to need a copy of, my stomach is in a mini knot and will be until I've got it in black and white exactly how much I'm entitled too, and who I shall be receiving it from. I felt very grown up researching on the net and making phone calls to my firm with my special new laptop in front of me.

I realise this is the wrong angle.
Does it make the pile smaller?

 After doing all my business like grown up stuff, I had to face up to another grown up task...... the dreaded CLEAN! I've been so good today you wouldn't believe.
 I went for a wander up town to get some money, and formulated a plan of action. I was probably talking to myself in the process. After i went to the bank, i trotted off to Wilko's to get myself a new mop and bucket, I'm just thoroughly spoilt aren't I?! Now my bump is getting bigger I just can't face getting on my hands and knees to scrub my laminate throughout the whole bottom floor so a mop and bucket is definitely the way forward. My bottom floor is now tidy, extra clean and smells absolutely wonderful. I even bleached my kitchen bin. Next step.....ironing. (yawn.)

 Back to work tomorrow boo hoo. Still it's only for a couple of weeks then I'm off again. I've got loads of hols booked for this time of year which is brill because it's my fave. Autumn walks in the forest, finding leaves and doing sticking with my girl, visiting Blackpool lights and getting chips on the prom, Halloween, Guy Fawkes Night and finally Christmas. You're off your rocker if you don't love this time of year, even the air smells better. It's just the best.

 Well, I'm off to bed shortly as I'm up at the crack of dawn. My husband has gone out for the evening and so he shall find a wonderful surprise in his side of the bed upon his return, in the shape of a 3 year old girl. Sleep tight one and all.

I Love It How A Plan Never Comes Together

 Well here I am typing at 5:15 in the morning. My little girl woke me up from a not so deep sleep at 3:30 for a wee, then she went back off only to wake again from a bad dream at 4:15 bless her. I went in her bed with her for about 30 minutes but you just really cannot get comfortable in a single bed at my age, so I crept out of her bed and came down stairs for a brew. Then I spotted our new family laptop and decided to have a wee shot on it, hence finding myself on my blog.

 With the early rise and all I've been having a think about the baby coming and such. I have absolutely nothing at all ready and I'm not even sure If I'm on the right pay level to acquire maternity pay, obviously I'll be getting it from somewhere but it's a form filling nightmare which I really need to look into. I'm halfway through the pregnancy now and I haven't got so much as a baby grow out the spare room. (Inner scream! far too early to subject the neighbours to my neurosis yet.) If there is anyone out there who is as completely unorganised as myself, please let me know. I need tips on how to become mother number 1! Well, we all know there is no such thing as that, but I'd like to improve nonetheless.

 (Another wake up from my daughter, not having a good night bless her.)

 I had a little flick through Emma's Diary, but that's really just list upon list of things that I need, haven't got and got no cash to buy. I really should've been more prepared for this. You think, "well I managed last time, we brought everything we needed." Yes, but we didn't already have another mouth to feed! Holy mackerel this is a pickle but the main thing is not to panic. (Queue panic attack anyway!)

 I think I'm going to have a scan through the spare room and see what unisex things I can salvage from my girl being a baby. That shouldn't be too much of a problem because I know I saved all the white's, the things that weren't stained with poo anyway. And there is definitely my lovely moses basket that I can freshen up. I'm definitely going to get a new pram/travel system because our old one is knackered. I'm not a driver so it was very well used. It was a pram/buggy/car seat, the works and I used every attachment to death.

 As far as feeding goes I'm going to breast feed, I did with my first and I shall with this one. It's cheap, always on hand, (or boob!) and I make it so I may as well use it for as long as I can. Well, six months anyway, when I wean onto food, I wean off the boob.

 This shouldn't be too hard to accomplish should it?

 Famous last words! I am the original disaster area so I'll keep you posted as to how my plan comes together, and it doesn't always, I'm not the bloody A-Team after all.

 

Motherhood Mayhem

 Well good day to all who view! I am currently in the middle of;

• trying to plan a birthday party for my daughter next month
• planning my crafting for Christmas tit bit's
• imagining list after list of things that need doing in my house before bundle of joy number two is born, and last but not least
• figuring out how long I should take of work after bundle of joy number two is born.

 

and in all honesty I'm beginning to find it all a bit overwhelming. Not only do I have all of the above to consider, but it has just hit me that not only am I pregnant, but I will in fact have another child to look after!! I realise that makes me a little slow on the uptake, I mean I know how the whole thing works of course,

My first pregnancy bump.

1. you have sex
2. you get pregnant if you're lucky (or unlucky, depending on the situation!)
3. you stay pregnant for a number of months and then
4. you have a baby by pushing or slicing, which you usually keep, love and cherish forever. (this also depending on the situation.)

I obviously just didn't realise it applied to me this time. Doh! So I was just sitting in my recliner last night and had a mild panic attack about the thought that "Oh shit! I'm gonna have TWO kids to look after!!!!" Followed by another thought of "AHHHHHHHH!"

Oh well, it can't be too hard can it? My mother's had six and she managed OK, I guess only time will tell.

 

 The whole 'operation tidy' I spoke of yesterday did not come into fruition. My brother is ill (likely story ha ha) and my Mother is planning a divorce (thank God, the man's a pillock!) so I did what any woman in their right mind would do, sat on my back side and watched anything at all to prevent me from doing the housework.

 After watching crap on the tele I had a visit from my mother with all manor of jargon from the solicitors, council etc. And we had a good gossip about the fact that husband number 3 is a beep beep beepety beep! During this we totally lost track of time, my bath had run to a ridiculous level and my cat had pooped with a ridiculous level of stench. I had to literally dive into said bath, scrub a dub dub and get the hell out, leaving my mum downstairs with the aroma of poo, a scented candle and a box of matches!

 Consequently we had to drive around the corner to pick my girl up, without me even having time to bush my sodden hair. Slummy Mummy or what?!

 

My own playdough creation.

 All serious questions will have to be pondered onlater in the day, the only serious answer I've fallen upon is that I'm going to let my daughter have a full day at her school nursery as well as her free morning sessions. This is only due to he fact that she has been crazing my gear box about having a packed lunch. She wants to take grapes, an orange, a banana and a cheese sandwich. At least I can be thankful that she has healthy taste.

 

 An eventful day and it's not even gone 2:00pm. Love my life, and I'm not even being sarcastic. Big smiles as always from me.

Long Time No See....

Well I can honestly say that's it's been a long time since I last blogged and I apologise to anyone who gives a monkey's. Nearly 3 months have passed and so much has happened and yet I can think of nothing to type! I'm gonna carry on and see if anything comes to me.

Not my husbands best swimmers, but you get the picture.

 First thing's first. I'm PREGNANT! Woo hoo! That happened shortly after the last blog entry actually. (Not the conception, but the finding out.) So that took up a lot of my thought for the first few weeks of July and pretty much the rest of the time too, apart from the time my daughter commandeers. (I'm gonna go 80% daughter, 20% baby at the moment.) 

 

 After I found out I had been impregnated, I then had a  bleed, I wasn't too worried as it wasn't heavy and the same thing had happened with my little girl, still, I obviously had it checked out, went for an early scan and saw the wee flicker of life that my womb held within. It was so cute. The 16 week scan followed, we got a couple of pics, only two mind at £2.50 each!!! No, I'm not a cheapskate, just skint. If I had cash I'd buy more. The husband and the daughter came to the midwife at 18 weeks and we all heard the heartbeat. I cried like a baby myself, my daughter told it promptly to "shut up, it's making too much noise!" (she's in for a rude awakening, and NOT just metaphorically!) and my husband just sat there looking slightly bewildered. The midwives smiles at me and passed me a tissue as I took full responsibility for being an emotional female, it was all very action packed.

 The summer holiday's have also happened and thankfully, Cumbria has had some warm but wet weather, but as my daughter and I are firm belivers in walking in the rain, we donned our waterproofs and away we went to the park, to the Nanny's, to the forest, to the Great Nanny's, and even just playing with the snails in the garden. Plenty of fresh air for us girlies.

 

 And that just about brings us to now. The Autumn has just about kicked in, time for making stew's, hot puddings, forraging for berries, making jam's etc. (I'm not of course talking about me.) I've had the heating on twice, but I'm not quite at the stew and dumpling phase yet. I'm gonna get the knitting needles out soon though, I'm certainly not about to go out drinking so I'm gonna try my hand at a little cardigan for my unborn. I shall certainly let you know how that goes, or not, this is me I'm talking about, Goddess of the unfinished task. I'm off now to not finish something else.

The Egg and Spoon Race!

Let me begin with my daughters Sports day. It was actually the day before yesterday but I'm getting around to it now. I tend to delay things in life, so my blog is obviously going to be no different at all. If I was a super hero, my name would be.... (in a silly voice please) The Procrastinator!!
Anyway, my daughter and her class are mostly 3, and as you can imagine while following certain rules, they tend to go at their own pace which is why i loved the little activities that were set out for them all. Each little game was more of a team effort rather than a "you win" sort of line up, which was very refreshing. The egg and spoon race, being my favourite, had each child against one of their parents/carers and so of course every child won. All the parents were encouraged to take part at some point or another,(apart from the obstacle course which I fear would have been disasterous had our weight been involved.) There was:

• Build a big tower
• Fill up the water tray. Each child had a bucket and each parent had a cup and we were all running back and forth transfering water from several buckets to the class water tray
• Bean bag throwing
• Obstacle course
• Jumping mini hurdles, and of course...
• The egg and spoon race

And I was involved in all of them. I was a Nursery Nurse for about 7 years and it all came flooding back to me. It was like I had my own class again.
My daughter was laughing her little head off throughout most of the events and I loved it. Seeing your child laugh is one of the best things life has to offer, and at the bargain price of doing a silly dance or joining her in a sports day event is something i think all parents can afford. Fun all round methinks.

On another note, after my whinging yesterday about my double cleaning shift, my night turned out alright in the end. When I arrived home at about 10 past 8, (got a lift of my mother in-law) I walked in the door to find that my husband had done me a curry, naan bread and an onion bahji. What a hero! I have to say, when to comes to husbands, mine is pretty darn good! Sometimes you need something small like a tea made by someone other than you, it just makes you feel appreciated. Even though I didn't even wash the pots! I washed them today though. There comes a point, and I'm talking about the point when there are no clean plates in the cupboard, where you really must grab the fairy and a pair of marigold's and take action!

Let It Pour!

Thunder and lightening in the North West today!

 I'm definately not whinging about it because it's my favourite weather of all! I love the sound of the rain hammering down on my kitchen roof. I used to go outside in my nighty and get soaked, because it's still so warm in June, and consequently, the rain is also. I can't really do that anymore however, I'd probably end up being committed which I've got to tell you, I don't really want to happen. Nevermind, when I win that lottery and buy my magical farm house in the middle of nowhere I'll be able to do it again, until then however, I'll stick with going out in my wellies and brolly!

  Thursday is my least favourite day of the week. I have a split shift at work, which is highly annoying. First shift 6:00am-9:00am then another at 6:00pm-8:00pm. I'm a cleaner at a large supermarket, high class I know. It's better than my last job though...pub toilets! Lovely! Fortunately I have an iron gut so not much phases me at all.

  I digress, so Thursday is poop. I just can't get motivated at home throughout the day, I worked until 11:00am this morning so I have even less 'get up and go' than usual. I got home at 11:30 after a dawdle through town, came home took my coat off and sat down for approximately 3 minutes before going to pick my girl up from school. Home again, made sarnie's all the while chatting to the wee'un about her day. Her day apparently consisted of riding bikes and scooters, and painting a picture of stars, infinitely more interesting than mine. We ate out sarnies, got changed into comfortable joggers and chilled out, read books and listened to the thunder and rain. This is where I have stayed for the remainder of the afternoon.

 At the moment I'm typing amidst a mountain of ironing, card crafting stuff strewn accross the table, last night's tea and breakfast pots still in the sink and playdough in a variety of shades, all over the floor. (Laminate, thank the gods!) Do I care? Nope. There are more important things in life than being house proud let me tell you, and personally I think sitting in your pj's, listening to the rain, reading books to my daughter and blogging are definately more important. To name but a few.

  Enjoy your day, don't polish too hard, you'll only make me feel bad for being a slummy mummy.