Yay Holiday In More Way's Than One.

The Summer holidays are upon us, well, they have been for a week now, and I've found the rhythm quite nicely. My Girl has been really good up to now and so has my boy which is brilliant! I however have not been sleeping because of the damn heat but I've already had my whinge about that so I won't dwell. 

Here's something cool.....That's right people, me and the family are going on holiday! I don't know where as it's a surprise for me, but I can't wait to jolly well get there!

We did the surprise thing 3 years ago and my husband planned the whole thing. We spent a few days caravanning in Prestatyn Wales and it was brilliant. I have full confidence in the hubby's choice of hols, it will be great! I only have the one worry really, my gorgeous baby boy. The little monster will not drink from a bottle and because he's that good on the breast boob I haven't pushed it, but it'd be helpful if he would just take to it. Unfortunately I'm not the kind of person who's comfortable getting her boobs out in public. I don't care what people think about breast feeding, it's natural, we make it so we may as well use it and helloooo, it's FREE! I just don't like getting the girls out in public for all to see. I'm shy OK!? So that may prove challenging. The only thing I know about the holiday is that I'm going to need my walking boots so I guess I shall be spending time breast feeding in bushes or up tree's. This should be awesome! Talk about getting back to nature. (No sarcasm here, I actually really am excited!) It's going to be great spending real quality time with the family before I go back to work and before my girl goes into full time education. So I think this shows what kind of holiday I really want, well that's it then, the Burnett's are gonna rock it out in the wilderness! (I totally hope anyway, I'll probably end up spending a week in London and coming home covered in soot and declaring bankruptcy! haha!)

Well, just a little whitter from me today so until next we meet, make the most of life as you only get the one! Toodleoo! 

Progress? Moi? No!

Good Afternoon and welcome to Wife Mother Disaster Area of the working class variety. 

I realise that in fact I don't appear to be working class in that I'm not working. Well I am actually, I'm still on maternity leave which finishes in only 8 weeks! *bawls eyes out uncontrollably* And in that time oh my do I have a lot to do. 

     Decided not to plant anything more on the allotment. Everything that we are growing is flourishing which is brill, but we need to research and plan for the spring. This year was always going to be a learning curve as far as that went, but with a new baby on the boob and a full time working husband we've not been able to manage it as well as we'd hoped. Need to research a LOT on the best way to plant things. I've fished out an old subject book which I'm going to fill with plans and advice for plot maintenance. So this years plan, continue with what is growing and clear, fertilise and maintain the rest until Spring hits. Then the baby will be weaned, the eldest will be in school, I shall still have all day to faff and potter. Excellent.

     On the clear out the crap front, as usual I have made absolutely no progress what so ever which is why I am the disaster area I claim to be. If anything I've just made it all worse. I've done a lot of shifting all the crap from one room to another, does that count? Yes, that totally counts, I'm having that! 

     Having said that, the front room is a little better, I have actually hoovered my bedroom and my kitchen and living room are kept clean obviously as I have to with a baby and a 4 year old but the bathroom at it's worst. It's still not decorated (5 years now!)  and it is more of a waste bin than ever before, now filled with bin bags of clothes that either do not fit, are completely threadbare or un-seasonal, all to got to charity shops and clothes bins etc. It's a veritable playgound of adventure for my girl who insists on dive bombing on the piles before every bath time!

If only tidying my own disaster zone was as easy as
sorting out my daughters!

     I really must make an effort to sort this house out! It won't be long before I have to move the baby into his own room, (another room completely filled to the ceiling with junk!)  I left little woman in with us until she was one and that was only because we hadn't cleared/ decorated her room either. Honestly, we clearly need rockets up our bums before we even attempt to get things done.
   Anyone else like me? Any tips of motivation? Any tips on where to begin as far as 'total clear out' operations go? I think I need help, clearance therapy or something. Is there a crystal/herbal tea/magic spell to cure this sort of thing? If there is let me know, I am open to all avenues.

    Must get organised!

(Sing it Please.....) HEAT WAVE!

Too. Bloody. Hot!
Total. Dehy. Dration.
Can't. Type. Another. Word.

*Sigh* Of course all of the above is a pack of lies, but this heat is quite simply making a giant sweaty monster of me. I'd be confident in sweating off loads of weight if I wasn't trying to re-hydrate myself with cinnamon swirl pastries. 

*Squelch* I've boycotted bathing. I've just filled the bath up with Soltan SPF 50 and started each day by dipping me and the kids in it, ensuring that we stay the lovely pastey English white that we should be, as opposed to the lovely lobster red colour that the English seem take on after braving the sunshine for too long, only to live in regret the next day when taking that first shower or ripping burnt thigh's off of a leather sofa.

*Drip* Convinced that my brain had melted and is now oozing out of the pores in my forehead in the form of intellectual sweat. Must try and collect it and bathe in it after I drain the Soltan out of the tub. Hmm, don't think I even own a funnel.

*Pffffff* When living in the Lake District you do NOT get used to this kind of weather. I'm used to the rain and the wind and I love it! But this heat when surrounded but this many hills? I have to climb Mount Doom (slight exaggeration, but roll with it for the comedic visual.) just to get back from Morrisons for feck sake! That with a pram of shopping, sun in your face and a four year old on a scooter is going to do things to you. Physically and mentally. And I don't even get to rid the world of evil after the voyage is complete!

*Boing* My hair does strange things in the humidity.

*Sigh Again.* I'm so tired and yet I can't sleep because the heat keeps making me have weird dreams. Pregnancy, not being able to find my kids, hearing things. Might well be having a psychotic episode apart from the fact I don't want to kill anybody. I couldn't be bothered because it's too bloody hot! Oh yes, that reminds me, I must get a hammer and chisel tomorrow and get prepared to remove the countless layers of Soltan when the rain finally comes back. (Not as psychotic episode props! I'll leave that to the pro's, Jason, Freddie, Micheal Myers etc.) 

*Glug* I reckon that's my heat whinge over with. I'm now off for a brew and a James Bond whinge with the husband. We've done Connery, Lazenby, Connery and Moore this week, I refuse to sit through Dalton until the new week begins. Bloody new Sky On Demand Router! I'm now on a mission to take over... The name's Disaster. Wife Mother Disaster. Step away from the remote!

Happy Fecking Birthday!

Ahoy there! And what a fecking hilarious welcome into my 31st year. 

Here's the gist, not in any particular order, but all happened today.

• Bubbles thrown all over the kitchen by a hysterical 4 year old with a phobia of ants. Ant on the bubble tub, daughter saw the ant, screamed and launched the bubbles. Cue frothy mess all over the kitchen. Granted, it needed a scrub anyway, but I did not want to be forced into it on my birthday!
• Crushed globe jig-saw by the same daughter. After being told "don't roll it or throw it treasure it'll break." And "It's not like a ball, it won't bounce." Daughter pretends it's a chair instead (naturally!) and caves it in with her petite little bum. Repairable but a serious pain in my own arse to get the last piece in. Still not succeeded.
• Nappy water bowl launched across the bedroom by me, accidental, not temperamental, fecking king size duvet on a double bed! Too much swishing about and SPLASH!
• stubbed toes from myself and my daughter on the ladder in the bathroom, (of course, where the hell else do you want me to keep my ladder?)
•  and finally I forgot to put the effing jeffing bins out this morning so that will be nicely festering by next week especially if the weather hots up.

However, I did get to see the whole thing through wearing a brand new pair of Converse All Stars (apart from the toe stubbing where i was going commando,)  and with a belly full of KFC, Thornton's Moments and brews in my very own 'Star Mum' giant mug. Yummy! I also had a little surprise birthday cake which was great. Lets face it, what is a birthday without cake? Oh, and family of course ;D

A Fairy Tale Moment

All about the Khaki

Once upon a time there was a 16 year old teenager. She was average looking with braces, black and red hair and a penchant for hanging around pub's. One chilly night, this teenager decided to go and watch a few local bands play at one such pub. She arrived nice and early (7:30pm, only 16 remember,) wearing khaki combats, a khaki vest, a baggy knitted jumper with holes in and some Dr. Martens, and went to the bar to order her favourite tipple. This tipple was a raspberry Panda Pop as she was too scared to order alcohol for fear of a) being refused and b) going home drunk. (Parents would be furious!)

So there she was, Panda Pop in hand, when she noticed a long haired gentleman sat at the other side of the bar. Being a little bit ballsy (though not enough to defy the parents and get drunk,) and slightly hyper off the ridiculous blue colouring of the Panda Pop, she decided that she would go forth and introduce herself to the stranger sat among his friends. She did it, they laughed, they went out for a while and she ended up marrying......... his friend.

The one I married

And they are currently living a happy existence with their kids and their cat, in their castle 3 story terrace which never gets hoovered.

Not The End.

P.S. This would be one of those moments I refer to in  my very first post,  The Beginning for you, not for me. where i mention that when events dry up I shall dig up some history. Consider some history dug. 

Happy Bloggy Birthday!

Woo Hoo! This Blog has reached it's first birthday!

Two birds, one stone.
Cake and big boobs.

Bit of a joke really, I had a seven month gap between posts, still I've averaged 2 posts a month, not too bad. I have no idea what I wanted to accomplish with this blog exactly. Promote earth worms?  Show people I can bake cakes? Promote important political views? Discuss big boobs? Clearly not a 'how to get organised' blog, that sort of thing doesn't tend to be mentioned in the same sentence as me. But, the one thing I do hope is that I gave a few people a giggle in the last year and that'll make me happy.

Earth worm
I promote thee.

I think this blog is largely my sort of journal on a hotch potch of things, as my life is also largely hotch potch and I'm sure there are many a disaster area mother/wife much like myself who also take part in a spot of hotch potchery. And as it is my bloggy birthday, I shall have a glass of wine, (alcohol free wine,oh alright it's bloody Schloeur OK!) and raise my glass to you. Toast! May we have many a happy hotchy potchy day, doing whatever it is that we do. Cheers!

 If there are any disaster area mother's out there and you per chance get to a bit of reading my bloggliness, then please, comment, leave me a link to your blog if you keep one or follow me on twitter https://twitter.com/Kyla_Burnett I would love to share views and swap experiences. So Here's to another, hopefully more regular year of blogging and I hope to speak to some of you soon!

Kyla

Day Status: Busy!

Hello and welcome! 

Goodness me. Today was one of those days. The kind of day when you just don't manage to even get a hot brew down you. The morning specifically. I shall go through the morning in bullet points if you don't mind. Would you care to join me? Please do. Grab a cuppa, (preferably hot!) and read along with me.

1. Wake up - obviously
2. Make a brew
3. Hear the baby stir - stir brew have a sip. Brew Status: Hot
4. Change and feed baby - eldest enters the room.
5. Prepare eldest's brekkie - Some chocolate malarkey, bad parenting.
6. Sip brew - Brew status: tepid
7. Get self dressed - long loose top and jeggings. Jeggings status: Up.
8. Dress eldest in freshly laundered uniform - not off of the bedroom floor, good parenting.
9. Sip brew - Brew status: cold. Nuke it. (Microwave it for those who no not this term.)
10. Sip Brew - Brew status: Hot again.
11. Sort family hair - me: Messy with Fudge Shaper, Husband: ponytail, he did it himself clever boy. Eldest: French plait. I did it, clever girl.
12. Load baby into pram, put sun cream on and gather school tit bits - Jeggings status: slightly lower.
13. Sip brew - Brew status: tepid again. Bollocks!
14. School run - Jeggings status: gathering at knees.
15. Home again, hug baby and put him in chair with toys.
16. Plug in iron and put kettle on.
17. Make brew, sip it -Brew status: hot.
18. Start ironing, burn elbow - Iron status: Really fecking hot!
19. Finish ironing, sip brew - Brew: status cold. Give up on brew, pour glass of orange juice.
20. Take baby upstairs, sing silly songs and cuddle him.
21. Lay baby on the bed - bad parenting. 
22. Fetch ironed clothes - swear at iron on passing. It remains un-forgiven for the burn.
23. Put clothes away and sing to baby - Jeggings status: way down!
24. Clean bathroom, change baby and hoik up jeggings - jeggings status: uncomfortably high. Must get new pants.
25. School run part 2 - hug daughter, get home, make sarnies of choice.

And that was just the morning. Cold brews, hot iron and tight pants, what a day! The afternoon brought more mayhem of course. My girl choked on a grape and fell down the stairs! Fortunately only a bruised bum is left to remind her to hold onto the banister. Poor lass. And all I've managed to do between playing and soothing bruises and shock, is feed my baby and do a few loads of washing, all the while practically dehydrating from my lack of hot brews!

I reckon tomorrow will bring more of the same. Not that I mind of course but I really would like a ho cuppa. I think that's the only thing I miss from having the wee 'uns. Still, if that's the only thing missing from my life, along with the lottery win I've been craving, then I don't reckon I'm doing too badly. 

I'm falling asleep over the keyboard here, probably from lack of tea, so I'm thinking I need to wrap it up. I want to write about my allotment because I'm so chuffed with how things are going on it. Most of my veg are flourishing, but well, that's for next time. 

Toodlepip all. Good morning or sweet dreams depending on the time!